Not Bad Ass Car Crash
No. 47
And here comes number 47 on that top 100 list
Of all the shit that I ever did to you
Headin straight for the top with a bullet baby
It’s a bomb
You packed up everything that you think that I owe you
You packed it up and you carried it out the door
And I’m standing here and I’m apologizing
But I’ll be damned if
I even know what I’m apologizing for
What did I do to you?
What did I do to you?
What did I…I…I
What did I do?
Your friends said I’m breastfed, and you’re discontent
Well maybe I’m just pissed off cause I don’t even know what that meant
I appreciate your appreciations
But always fail your expectations
Want to make me an example an example to one and all
I want to say I’m sorry but you say
Shove it up your ass
(Chorus)
The chores
The stores
Fresh Air
Times Square (You are my wife)
Take the TV
Take the bed
You take your friends take both of them
Take it all and hey wait where’s all my fucking money? (bitch)
Take the TV
Take the cat
Take the couch (hey we fucked on that)
Take it all and the first time you call and I come running
What a dumbass
(Chorus)
And here comes number 48
On that top 100 list of all the shit that I ever did to you
Headin straight for the top with a bullet baby
This one’s the bomb
Well the last one was the worst one
Well the worst one was the first one
Well the next one baby that’s the one that will top them all
And if you’re wondering about number 49
I think it might be this song
(Chorus)
Come Back Jack
Here we are again
Looking used and abused
And a little confused
Look at me I’m you
Bang bang better do it again
She said one step baby into the light
You gotta left right better leave it right there
You got something but I don’t care
Would you ever know it just to look at him see him go
Are you scared to tell him afraid to let him know
Would you say it
Would you come back Jack?
Would you come back Jack?
Been living the life out there
Well keep moving you still ain’t there
I say you got a piece of the piece inside
Got a piece but the piece ain’t right
(chorus)
Couldn’t believe she said
Well nothing matters anymore
Watch em roll them bones
First to leave she said
Well that’s okay you go I’ll stay
Just to leave she says well
It’s nothing to me
It’s nothing to me
At all
Aw hell
You got it bad
You want it back said
Just a piece of what I ain’t had
Cut me loose
From the noose
God done did all he can
(chorus)
The Blow Job That Saved Rhode Island
(Do to legal issues we can only present the event that occurred. The specifics and details are all tied up in law suits and pending legal action so can not be shared. All we can present in this song is that there was a blow job and that it saved Rhode Island. Everyone agreed.)
It was the blow job that saved Rhode Island
From the most terrible of fates
She just had to go down on him
He just had to accept head from her
Everyone agreed there was no other way
Wo oh oh oh
Wo oh oh oh (I say)
Wo oh oh oh
No other way
No other way
The word was quick to spread around
I know some folks that drove in from
Way out of town
Well they all came just to see them
She got down on one knee and
She proceeded to blow hey
The blow job that saved Rhode Island
The blow job that saved Rhode Island
The blow job that saved Rhode Island
There was no…no other way
She didn’t come for romance
She just came to give head
She doesn’t want to fuck
She’d rather suck dick instead
Ask her does she like it?
“Couldn’t give it away”
What you gonna do when she’s coming for you
Already asked her twice but she don’t swallow goo
It wasn’t in her contract so what you gonna do?
It was the blow job that saved Rhode Island
From the most terrible of fates
She just had to go down on him
He just had to accept head from her
Everyone agreed there was no other way
(Chorus)
Swirlies for Myrtle
Myrtle lives in a town called jelly
Yeah that’s what she says
She says “you want my gum?”
“Says I been to the backyard fence
Seen me a big old dog
His head was kind of bent down like this”
She bends her’s down and shakes it side to side
Says “I ain’t tired
I’m just sleepy”
she says “Now I ain’t wired
I’m just creepy”
“How about a swirlie for Myrtle?” she says
“Spinning is the only life for me
Now don’t let go
Not if you don’t want to lose me.”
“How about a swirlie for Myrtle?” She says
“Spinning is the only life for me
Now don’t let go
Not if you don’t you don’t want to lose me
And I think I’m gonna buy me a dog.”
Whale Song
I am a whale
A whale I am
For I am big
And I am blue
A blue whale
You could call me Ishmael
This is a story all about a whale
You know a whale named Bob
You know his name was Bob (Bob)
And he was a really nice guy
And he would always say hi
But he was still a whale
Well Bob had one problem
With that whole whale thing
It’s that he could not get a date (say what?)
Poor guy could never get laid…I said no
He went to all the right clubs cause he’d learned how to dance
But they wouldn’t let him in
Cause he didn’t wear pants
He was a whale
And it’s a shame they wouldn’t let him into those clubs either
For of all the whales I’ve ever known Bob had the best pickup lines
He’d say things like
“You know Baby!
I got thirty feet you can count em if you need to thirty feet
Of sexual satisification
And if you want to know about true mammal love
You better go and fill your tub
Cause I’m a whale
A la la I’m a whale
I am a whale glug glug
I am a whale glug glug
I am a whale glug glug
I am a whale glug glug
Now I’m sure you’ve all heard Leonard Nimoy’s “Whale Song”
And been no less inspired by it then we all were
In fact Glen’s got the words tattooed to his ass
No it’s true
But Bob’s song didn’t go like that
It went more like
Whale whale bo bale
Banana nana fo fale
Fi fi fo fale
Whale
Whale whale bo bale
Banana nana fo fale
Fi fi fo fale
whale
Bob said it’s a shame you know about my dong
Why’d it have to be so long
I got that really long dong
Got a really big peter practically a two-seater
Don’t put that thing in me that ain’t a dick it’s a tree
You are a whale
That’s right baby I’m a whale
That’s it said Bob I’m going to Venus
Cause I here there all long (long long long long)
Got that really long dong (dong dong dong dong)
They love that really big schlong (Great big schlong)
Said I’m gonna go to Venus
Said how big is your penis
Said about 30 feet
They’ll say man that’s neat you are a whale
That’s right I am a whale
This part of the song has only one chord
This part of the song has only one chord
This part of the song has only one chord
But this part of the song has a different one
Cause I’m a whale
La la la I’m a whale
I am a whale glug glug
I am a whale glug glug
I am your whale lover baby
Thirty feet of sexual satisification
I’ll let you play with my blowhole
Really…
This song really sucks but they made me write it
Even though I didn’t want to
And now I think I’d like to stop
But he was still
A whale
Johnny; Sex Machine
Oh Johnny well he wants to be a sex machine
Oh Johnny well he wants to be…yep, sex machine
Oh Johnny he wants to be a sex machine oh lord
Johnny wants to be a sex machine
Who gives a shit about Johnny man he’s so damn plastic
He just proves he’s so good at
He gets used and thrown away
Wants to bitch
He don’t have much to say
He said there’s no reason I’m leavin
I just wanted to be
Lord let me be a sex machine
Who gives a shit about Johnny man or where he goes
Cause when he goes he blows his nose
He said that he’s all grooving that he’s all juicy
Look at him he’s loosey goosey
Said well I’m lovin
I’m leavin
I just wanted to be
Lord let me be a sex machine
Everything was satisfactual
Everything was damn natural
Totally spent
And I don’t know just where or when he went
I could not say
He went away
Who gives a shit about Johnny man or where he’s headed
He’s just pissed that he don’t get it
Pulls a goose but baby she don’t know it
What he’s got he’s just going to blow it
Said I’m lovin
I’m leaving
I just wanted to be
Lord let me be a sex machine
Let me tell you about Johnny
He wants to be
A sex machine
Chicken Opera:
Chicken Intro